Iyi nkuru yanditswe na Doug Fields akaba umuhanga mu by’itumanaho, umwanditsi w’ibitabo akaba n’umuyobozi w’ikigo kijyanye n’iby’imibanire y’imiryango n’urubyiruko muri kaminuza yitwa Azusa Pacific University; ndetse ni n’umwe mu bashinze urubuga rw’urubyiruko mu by’iyobokamana rwitwa Downloadyouthministry.com, yanditse ibitabo birenga 50.

Ese ni iki wigisha umwana wawe kijyanye n’urushako?

· Iyo nteruye kuvuga ku ishyingirwa/imibanire y’abashakanye, igihe cyose mba nibaza niba hari icyo nigishije abana banjye bijyanye n’urushako.

Igisubizo ni yego… na oya

Yego, hari igihe twavuze by’umwihariko ku mibanire y’abashakanye (yaba twebwe ubwacu cyangwa abandi abana bacu babashije kubona). Ariko, igihe kinini umugore wanjye Cathy nanjye twibanze ku kumenya icyo abana bacu batubonaho ndetse n’icyo batwigiraho. Ibikorwa byacu (ibyiza n’ibibi) igihe cyose biba bibigisha ibijyanye n’urushako.

Nari gutengurwa iyo abana banjye bagira urushako/imibanire nk’iyo jye na Cathy (umugore wanjye) twagize… ntibyari byiza na gato, gusa twembi twishimiye ibyo twagezeho mu myaka 30 ishize.

Hano hari ibikorwa 10 nzi ko abana banjye batubonyeho mu gihe kirenga umwaka

1. Kumwereka urukundo (Affection)

Jyewe n’umugore wanjye twerekana urukundo buri umwe afitiye undi kandi nkunda ko abana banjye bambona mfashe mama wabo mu biganza, muhobera, musoma, mupfumbatse cyangwa mwiyegamije, mukuyakuya… kenshi gashoboka

2. Kuvuga “mbabarira” (Saying "I’m sorry.")

Mba nshaka kuvuga iyi nteruro nihuse kandi mba nshaka ko abana banjye banyumva nyivuga (ndetse ngomba kuyivuga kenshi kuruta uko umugore wanjye ayivuga)

3. Amagambo akomeza (Affirmation)

Iyi ni yo mvugo yanjye y’urukundo y’ibanze, biranyorohera kudatindiganya mvuga amagambo asubizamo imbaraga. Abana banjye babona cyane amagambo yo kubashyigikira ariko kandi banyanyumva nyabwira umugore wanjye (ibyo biranyorohera rwose)

4. Kunkurura (Attraction)

Ntekereza ko umugore wanjye ari uwo kwifuzwa… kandi ndanabimenyekanisha mu muryango wanjye. Igihe kinini ndabaza nti “Mama wanyu murabona atari mwiza?”

5. Igihe (Time)

Abana bacu barabizi ko dukunda kumarana igihe turi kumwe. Iyo batubonye tumaranye igihe cyacu twicaye hanze mu busitani cyangwa ku ibaraza tuganira cyangwa turi mu bwogero (baignoire) twogera hamwe, gusohokana nijoro, gushaka ahantu hatuje mukahasohokera mu minsi isoza icyumweru/itari imibyizi (weekends)… ubwo ni bwo butumwa bwiza mba nshaka ko babona.

6. Guseka/kwishimana (Laughter)

Turaseka cyane iwacu mu rugo noneho uburyo umugore wanjye agira urwenya bimfasha guseka nta kwitangira. Numva nkunze ukuntu abana banjye babona ko umugore wanjye ansetsa cyangwa atuma nishima.

7. Kubahana (Respect)

Gufungurira umuryango umugore wanjye nkavuga ngo “urakoze” na “nyemerera” nkanamwereka ibimenyetso byoroheje byo kumwubaha

8. Ibiganiro by’ukwizera (Faith conversations)

Nta bwo buri gihe dusenga abana bacu batureba, ariko baba bumva banabona ibiganiro by’ukwizera kwacu kandi bakamenya ko buri gihe tuba tuvuga Yesu n’icyo kuba umwigishwa bisobanura.

9. Agaciro k’inshuti (The value of friends)

Mu rugo iwacu hahora hacicikana abashyitsi abinjira, abataha. Dukunda kugira abantu benshi mu rugo ndetse ubusitani bwacu ni ahantu hasurwa cyane n’inshuti zacu z’umwihariko ndetse ni n’ahantu ho kuruhukira no kuganirira habo.

10. Ubufasha (Servanthood)

Ndabizi abana banjye bakurikije urugero rwiza rwa mama wabo kurusha jyewe kuko umugore wanjye ni umuntu witangira gufasha ku rwego rwo hejuru. Igihe cyose aba abaza, “Ngufashe iki/ngufashe nte? Ni iki ukeneye ngo ubuzima bube bwiza kurushaho?” Gufashanya biragaragara mu buzima bwacu bwa buri munsi, utuntu duto kandi hari uburyo bwinshi bwo gufasha.

Abana igihe cyose baba bitegereza ibikorwa byo mu mibanire y’ababyeyi babo kandi nyamara ababyeyi benshi ntibaha agaciro imbaraga ziri mu kuba ibyitegererezo cyangwa intangarugero! Abana buri munsi bafite ibyo babika mu mutwe ku bijyanye n’urushako uko bimeze kandi ibyo bandika mu mitwe yabo ni byo bibaganza bikanabafasha guha ishusho urushako ibyo rero bibagiraho ingaruka nziza cyangwa mbi mu gihe na bo bageze igihe cyo gushinga ingo zabo.

Source: https://familyshare.com/25222/parenting/10-actions-that-kids-learn-from-their-parent-s-marriage

Henriette Aimee Mutangampundu
Kigali, Rwanda
Mobile: +250 788924496
Skype: henraime
Twitter: @henriempundu
LinkedIn: Henriette Aimee Mutangampundu
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/henrietteaimee.mutangampundu